How to Find a Surrogate Mother: Search, First Contact, and Next Steps

Where do you look for a surrogate mother, what do you ask when you first connect, and how do you tell whether the terms of participation suit you? At first, these questions can feel like one huge task. They're easier to handle step by step: first work out what your family can realistically do, then define your main expectations, and then start reaching out.

Finding a surrogate mother is a mutual process of getting acquainted. You want to understand who you'll be going through the program with. It's just as important for her to know who the intended parents are, how participation will be organized, and what support she can count on.

Start with a consultation with a reproductive specialist. Ask them to explain whether there are medical indications for surrogacy in your case and what the medical side of the program might look like. The Procedure for the Use of Assisted Reproductive Technologies, approved by Order No. 787 of the Ministry of Health, requires medical indications and a genetic connection between the child and at least one of the intended parents.

Before agreeing to specifics, it's also worth getting legal advice. In particular, the Ukrainian procedure is designed for married couples, and a marriage certificate is among the intended parents' required documents. Don't apply rules you've read about other countries' programs to the Ukrainian one.

At the clinic consultation, discuss whether embryos for transfer already exist, which tests you personally need, and what needs to happen before the program starts. This will help you talk to a potential surrogate about realistic timelines.

Also work out your organizational parameters in advance: the city where the program will take place, the clinic if you've already chosen one, and your budget. You don't need answers to everything. What matters is distinguishing what's already decided from what you're still open to discussing.

If you live abroad, separately find out the process for establishing parentage, citizenship, and the documents needed for the child to enter your country of residence. Don't assume Ukrainian documents automatically resolve every question in another country — rules differ between jurisdictions.

When approaching a clinic or agency, ask whether they help with finding candidates and exactly what that help includes. Ask them to explain how the introduction process works, which examinations have already been done, and who will organize the next stages.

Separately, clarify whether you'll be able to communicate with the surrogate before a final decision. A package name or the phrase "full support" doesn't replace a list of specific services. If a candidate doesn't work out, or doesn't get medical clearance, what happens next? Will the search continue, how much will that cost, and which payments are non-refundable? It's better to ask these questions before paying for any services.

On Ovomama, you can browse profiles, use filters, and communicate directly with other participants. The platform provides tools for searching and connecting, but it doesn't act as a clinic or a legal representative.

If you want to find a surrogate mother without intermediaries, decide in advance who will handle the organizational side. Who will schedule appointments, help with travel, and stay in touch with the clinic? Which tasks are you prepared to take on yourself, and which need a dedicated specialist?

Searching independently is about how you connect. It doesn't replace the medical screening and legal paperwork for participation. The requirements for screening and documents apply under the Ukrainian Procedure regardless of how the parties found each other.

Recommendations can be a starting point, but don't draw conclusions about an entire program based on someone else's experience alone. Find out exactly who you're talking to — the woman herself, an agency representative, or someone passing along her contact details. Confirm that the offer is still current and that the woman has agreed to the introduction.

If a friend or relative of yours is considering participating, it's important to leave her room to make her own decision. ASRM — the American Society for Reproductive Medicine — specifically recommends assessing the voluntariness of participation and the possible effect of the program on an existing relationship.

When browsing a database of surrogate mothers, start with the terms that will shape how the program is organized. Which cities is the woman willing to work in? Is she open to relocating? What are her financial expectations? When is she ready to start discussing a program?

After your first look, it helps to write down not a verdict of "suitable or not," but a few specific questions. For example: "Would travel to another city for appointments be possible?" or "What exactly do you mean by a late move?"

Order No. 787 states that a surrogate mother can be an adult woman with full legal capacity who has a healthy child of her own, voluntarily agrees to participate, and has no medical contraindications. But meeting these initial conditions is not yet medical clearance.

Information about previous pregnancies, births, and surgeries matters to the doctor. ASRM recommends a comprehensive assessment of the candidate, including her medical history, general health, and the state of the uterine cavity. Don't draw your own conclusion about her eligibility from a short profile description.

Likewise, previous surrogacy experience is no guarantee of the next pregnancy's outcome. The result of a program depends on several factors, including the embryos and reproductive material involved, not just the woman carrying the child.

In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate's own eggs aren't used: she's implanted with an embryo created from the intended mother's egg or a donor's. So a surrogate mother's physical resemblance to your family isn't a marker of the child's genetic resemblance.

For getting acquainted, it's more useful to focus on readiness to participate, mutual expectations, and how you'll communicate. Medical criteria remain the specialists' responsibility.

Your first message doesn't need to include your entire treatment history or a list of future arrangements. It's enough to introduce yourself, briefly describe your plans, and ask whether she's currently looking.

For example: "Hello! My name is [name]. I'm looking for a surrogate mother for our family. We're planning the program in [city] and have already chosen a clinic. Could you let me know whether you're currently considering participating and whether this location works for you? We'd be glad to get acquainted and discuss the terms."

If you haven't chosen a clinic yet, say so directly. Don't create the impression that everything is already arranged if you're still exploring your options.

At this stage, don't ask right away for a passport, full medical records, or detailed personal information. First find out whether there's mutual interest. Arrange the exchange of documents later, once it's clear who needs them, for what purpose, and how they should be shared.

Ask when the woman is ready to start preparation, and share your own timeline. It's important to understand whether you're talking about the near future or possible participation several months from now.

Discuss where the screening, embryo transfer, pregnancy monitoring, and birth will take place. If relocation is involved, clarify the expected timing, living conditions, and whether she can bring her own child.

Quite practical disagreements can surface here. For example, you might expect relocation for the whole pregnancy while she's only willing to come shortly before the birth. It's better to find this out early rather than assume someone will change their mind later.

For a program in Ukraine, it's also worth discussing a backup plan in case the war forces a change of city or clinic. Who will help arrange the move, find housing, and continue medical monitoring?

What level of contact will be comfortable for you and for the surrogate? Do you want regular calls, updates after checkups, or in-person meetings? How does each side picture communication after the child is born?

The UK's fertility regulator, the HFEA, advises discussing expectations around contact before, during, and after the pregnancy as early as the preparation stage.

Don't mistake a wish to keep some distance for indifference. Try agreeing on a specific format instead — for example, an update after each scheduled checkup and a call at an agreed time. Also discuss privacy — whether photos, ultrasound results, and the program's story can be shared with other people.

Clarify what makes up the woman's financial expectations: the base fee, monthly payments, and travel and housing costs. Ask the clinic to itemize the medical side separately, and ask any other specialists involved for the cost of their services.

Compare the total program budget, not just the surrogate's fee. Ask about costs that could come up with a repeat transfer, a change of residence, or a need for extra assistance.

When discussing the budget, don't leave out postpartum recovery. ASRM's ethical guidelines call for proper medical care for the surrogate, including treatment for any pregnancy-related complications. That's an international benchmark — the specific expense coverage needs to be set out in your own agreement.

Before treatment begins, it's worth agreeing on the planned number of attempts, the approach to embryo transfer, and how decisions will be made if difficult medical choices come up during the pregnancy. ASRM strongly recommends transferring a single embryo in surrogacy programs to reduce the risk of a multiple pregnancy.

These conversations shouldn't be handled on your own or turned into a test of "correct answers." Ask the doctor to explain the medical side, and ask a psychologist experienced in reproductive care to help work through expectations and any disagreements.

Arrangements with the intended parents don't replace the woman's informed consent to her own medical care. ASRM specifically emphasizes her autonomy in decisions about her own treatment. That's an ethical guideline — the legal questions for a specific program should be worked out with a Ukrainian lawyer.

Regardless of how you found each other, find out exactly which clinic will handle the medical side of the program. Ask for its full name and check its medical practice license in the Ministry of Health's registry.

If you're told a candidate is "already vetted," ask what that vetting actually covered. Does it mean her identity and profile, or completed medical exams and a doctor's assessment? Which clinic carried them out, and when? Ask to have this confirmed through the medical team and with the woman's consent.

Before transferring any money, find out who's receiving it, exactly what you're paying for, what document covers it, and what happens if preparation doesn't move forward. An advance payment by itself doesn't prove fraud. But pressure to pay immediately, a refusal to name the recipient, or a refusal to provide written terms are good enough reasons to pause and verify the information.

Don't agree to hide important information from a doctor or skip necessary examinations for the sake of a faster start. The search isn't over once you've found a profile — you still need to confirm eligibility and prepare the program.

If your main expectations line up, agree on the next concrete step — for example, a consultation at the chosen clinic. Clarify how medical records will be shared and who will coordinate the next stages of preparation.

At the same time, contact lawyers to formalize the arrangements. The surrogate also needs the chance to get independent legal advice, not just an explanation from the intended parents' representative or the agency. ASRM stresses the importance of separate legal representation for each side.

After the conversation, it helps to briefly sum up in writing what you've already discussed and which questions remain open. That kind of note doesn't replace a contract, but it helps surface any gap in how each side understood the arrangement.

You don't have to continue if your key expectations don't align. It's fine to thank the other person for the conversation and keep searching, without trying to convince someone to accept terms that don't work for them.

On Ovomama, you can browse surrogate mother profiles and communicate directly. We help participants find each other, but we don't perform medical screening and don't provide medical or legal services.

Browse the profiles, identify the questions that matter to your family, and create an intended-parents profile to start a conversation. For a first conversation, you don't need to have it all figured out — it's enough to be honest about your plans and ready to hear the other side.